Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
No,please don't eat me. I have a wife and kids,eat them.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
